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It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy Paperback – Unknown format, September 5, 2006

by Greg Behrendt (Author), Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt (Author)

4.6 2,804 ratings

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Purchase options and add-ons

A must-have manual for finding your way back to an even more rocking you. Greg and his wife, Amiira, share their hilarious and helpful roadmap for getting past the heartache and back into the game.

From Greg Behrendt, the co-author of the smash two-million copy bestseller He’s Just Not That Into You, comes It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken.

There’s no doubt about it—breakups suck. But in the first few hours or days or weeks that follow, there’s one important truth you need to recognize: Some things can’t and shouldn’t be fixed, especially that loser who dumped you or forced you to dump him. Starting right here, right now, it’s time to dry your tears, and open this book to Chapter One–and start turning your breakup into a breakover.

The ultimate survival guide to getting over Mr. Wrong and reclaiming your inner Superfox. From how to put yourself through “he-tox,” to how to throw yourself a kick-ass pity party, and reframing reality— seeing the relationship for what it was. Complete with an essential workbook to help you put your emotions down on paper and heal.

Print length

288 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Harmony
Publication date

September 5, 2006
Dimensions

5.19 x 0.6 x 8 inches
ISBN-10

9780767921961
ISBN-13

978-0767921961
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From the Publisher

Editorial Reviews

Review

“You will get through this, and you’ll do it faster with the help of It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken.” —Glamour

“Insightful, been-there-have-the-scars-to-prove-it wisdom.” —New York Post

From the Back Cover

When Greg Behrendt-comedian and consultant to "Sex and the City-laid out the truth about men's "mixed signals" (the truth being that there's no such thing), millions of women found themselves liberated. But knowing a guy's not that into her doesn't mean a woman is not going to be hurt. Now, for every woman who's had her heart broken, Greg and his coauthor-wife, Amiira, offer "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken-a must-have survival guide for getting over Mr. Wrong and reclaiming your inner SuperFox.
This hilarious and helpful book covers everything from how to pull the plug on a relationship and make it stick, to proven remedies for uncontrollable crying, to how to act the first time you see him with another woman. Divided into two parts-Get Over It and Get On with It-chapters include:
- There Are No New Messages, so stop checking your
machine-and his!-every five minutes
- He's Not Hiding at the Bottom of That Pint of Ice Cream
- What's He Thinking? Who cares? But Greg and Amiira
respect the need to obsess, so here's a chapter of indulgence
- If It Was So Great, You'd Still Be Together: seeing the
reality for what it was
- Revenge Is a Dish Best Served HOT! So get out of your pajamas,
start taking care of yourself, and find your way back to an even
more rocking you
Plus: an essential workbook, so you can put the crazy stuff down
on paper instead of inflicting it on the world.
Before finding each other, Greg and Amiira had been there, too, and found their way out of the darkness. Now they've come back with a flashlight and a helping hand. "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken is more than the ultimatereference guide to the dissolution of a relationship. It's the voice of encouragement that you need to turn your breakup into a break-over, and get a jump on the brighter romantic future that awaits.

About the Author

Comedian Greg Behrendt is the coauthor of the two-million-copy bestseller He’s Just Not That Into You. His acclaimed stand-up comedy has been seen on HBO, Comedy Central Presents . . . , The Tonight Showwith Jay Leno, Late Show with David Letterman, and Late Night with Conan O’Brien. A former consultant on Sex and the City, he lives with his wife, Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt, in Los Angeles with their two children.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Chapter One

IT’S CALLED A BREAKUP BECAUSE IT’S BROKEN

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAHHHHHHH! F***, it hurts. It’s rocking the very core of your being. You never saw it coming. You knew this was going to happen. You were going to do it ﬁrst. You only broke it off with him before he broke it off with you. You guys were supposed to be together forever. You never liked him that much anyway. He was such a great kisser. The sex wasn’t that great. You really liked his family. He hated your friends. You hated his shoes. You miss him soooooo much. There’s no doubt about it–breakups suck. And now here you are holding this stupid “Breakup Book” because, quite honestly, you’d do anything not to feel like this and maybe this book will shed some light on what you’re going through. Maybe you’ll get some sleep tonight. Or stop sleeping all the time.

In these ﬁrst few hours or days or weeks of your breakup, there’s one all-important truth that you need to recognize: Some things can’t and shouldn’ t be ﬁxed, especially that loser who dumped you or forced you to dump him. It’s over for a reason, and even if you’re in denial about it, deep down inside you probably know what that reason is. Even if you feel bafﬂed by his decision to end it, it boils down to the same thing every time: Your relationship, despite its promise, has ceased to be right for one or both of you. It is, in effect, broken. That doesn’t make the breakup any easier to handle or change the overwhelming nature of the sadness that you feel. But that sadness, in turn, doesn’t make it less broken. If you’ve reached this point, where one or both of you feel that walking away is the best course of action, the cracks are there. And starting today, you’re not the kind of woman who settles for broken or hangs on to damaged goods, be it a radio, a pair of shoes, or a relationship. Your life is not a yard sale. It’s time to get rid of all the broken stuff that you’ve been lugging around for days, months, and maybe even years, and make the bold decision to start looking for stuff that works. The bright, clean, simple, easy, runs-so-smoothly-I-don’t-even-have-to-think-about-it kind of works. Being the ﬁrst one to recognize that a relationship isn’t a match doesn’t win you any great prize—just the guilt of having to hurt someone’s feelings. So even though you are clearly wounded, getting out of this broken relationship is the best thing possible, even if you didn’t know it was broken until now.

“But some things can be ﬁxed,”you say. True, but can your relationship be ﬁxed? Anything is possible, but we’d say probably not. Generally, if one person thinks that the breakup is the right move, they’re probably right even if it feels so wrong. Because unless there are two people putting on the coveralls and getting down in the trenches with some duct tape and superglue and a ﬁerce determination, it isn’t going to happen. Need more convincing? How about this: The person you loved took a good long look at the awesomeness that is you, evaluated your relationship together, and said, “No, thanks. I’ll try my luck elsewhere.” Or you said it to him. Either way, that alone should make you realize that it wasn’t a match made in heaven and they’re not worth donning coveralls for. Anyone who assesses you or your relationship as disposable is not worthy of your time or tears.

Right now, your mind is probably working overtime to come up with all the reasons that you should still be together. Your heart is hurting and your mind wants to ﬁnd a way to undo the pain. Just remember, though, that any reasons you come up with are ultimately irrelevant. The harsh reality is that even if you have everything else in common, the one thing you don’t have in common is the belief that this relationship can work. That, my friend, trumps your shared love of puppies, The Dave Matthews Band, and Mexican food.

It’s hard not to rack your brain, searching for reasons why the two of you couldn’t make it work, but sometimes the only real answer is the simplest one: People come together and move apart. It’s the age-old ebb and ﬂow of relationships. Some are shorter journeys, and others were meant for a lifetime. That goes for friendships as well. We become attached to what’s familiar and sometimes we hold on to things that are safe and predictable even if they’re bad for us. A lot of the pain you are experiencing right now is actually fear. Fear of things being different than how you liked them, fear of never ﬁnding another love, fear of being alone, fear of having to ﬁll your time differently. We’re afraid of the unknown. The answer to all the questions swirling in your head—What will I do on weekends? Will I meet someone else?—is “You won’t know until you get there.” That’s hard, and it’s scary. But for the moment, you need to concentrate on what you do know—that you and he no longer share the belief that your relationship has a future. It’s broken, and the longer you stay stuck in a dead-end relationship or spend your days mourning one, the less time you get on this planet to experience a great one.

So take a deep breath, steel yourself, and realize that this is going to hurt for a while. There is no quick remedy for the powerful sting of heartbreak, though we’re going to try to make it easier for you throughout the book. You’re going to feel like crap head to toe and run the gamut of emotions. Edgy, moody, angry, depressed, nauseated—you name it. In fact, the amount of time it takes for you to start feeling great about yourself again is directly proportional to how much it sucks right now—especially if you weren’t the one who broke it off. Because at the end of the day, someone you loved, trusted, and valued has rejected you, and that really smarts. It’s hard to not take it personally. But—and here’s the important part—the fact of the matter is, they’re wrong about you. Just because your relationship is broken doesn’t mean you are! No matter what happened between you, no matter what you may or may not have done wrong, you are still a kick-ass person. And even though you might not believe it right now, this breakup is the ﬁ rst step toward ﬁnding someone truly worthy of your greatness.

But Greg, I’ve Got Questions

But how can a relationship just break with no warning?

Dear Greg,

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and have always had the perfect relationship. We moved in together last year and he started talking about getting married, having kids, the whole deal. He even took me to look at engagement rings a few weeks before Christmas, so naturally I assumed what would be under the Christmas tree for me. Since I thought I was getting an engagement ring, I maxed out my credit card to buy him a plasma TV for Christmas. Well, Christmas morning comes and he was shocked when he opened the plasma TV. But that was nothing compared to the shock when I opened his gift—a cashmere sweater and a necklace! What? Then, the next day, he tells me he’s not sure “I’m the one” and he thinks I should move out and we should take a break so he can figure some things out!! Now he’s got the apartment and the plasma TV that I’ll be paying off for the rest of my life. I’ve tried to remind him of how good we were together and that getting married was his idea, but he just keeps apologizing and telling me he needs time apart. How can somebody go from wanting to marry you to not even wanting to talk to you for no reason? What can I do to make him realize that we should be together?

Please write back.

Marla

Dear Plasma Giver,

First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you’re married. (My grandmother used to say that.) A lot of men think once they have a plasma TV they don’t need a girlfriend. Sounds like your boy-friend’s one of them. The truth is that if he’ s going to come to the conclusion that you guys should be together, he’s going do it on his own. There’s nothing you can do to make him want to be with you, and more important, want to marry you. One of the suckiest and most frustrating facts of life is that sometimes relationships just end, often without reason. I truly believe that sometimes both men and women simply run out of love, even when there was a lot of it in the beginning. What blows even more is that you were completely blindsided—even though the relationship was broken on his end, he had clearly led you to believe you were in the same place emotionally. What a shitty new reality for you to get your head around now. But the sooner you do, the sooner you can get your head around this great new thought: HEY, SUPERFOX, YOU ARE HEADED SOMEWHERE FABULOUS AND THERE ARE GREAT POSSIBILITIES AHEAD. You should also let him know that the proper etiquette is that if a girl breaks off an engagement she should give back the ring. If a man breaks up with you, he should give back the TV.

But why didn’t he just break up with me instead of making me do it?

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ 0767921968
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harmony; Reprint edition (September 5, 2006)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 288 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9780767921961
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0767921961
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 7.8 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.19 x 0.6 x 8 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #48,731 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #86 in Self-Help & Psychology Humor
- #363 in Interpersonal Relations (Books)
- #384 in Love & Romance (Books)

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4.6 2,804 ratings

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Greg Behrendt
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Comedian Greg Behrendt was a consultant for three consecutive seasons on Sex and the City. His acclaimed stand-up comedy has been seen on HBO, Comedy Central Presents..., The Tonight Show, Late Show with David Letterman, and Late Night with Conan O'Brien. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife and daughter.
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Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt
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Get more at www.actuallyamiira.com. Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt took to writing after retiring from the music business at a young age with little hearing left to speak of. Along with collaborating with her husband Greg Behrendt on “He’s Just Not That Into You” they have co-written “It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken”, "It's Just A F***ing Date" and the forth coming "How To Keep Your Marriage From Sucking" (July 2018) and "We Used To Be In Love, Now We Work Here" (Jan. 2019). Amiira and Greg also have the popular behavior and relationship podcast "Maybe It's You" while Amiira whittles away at her first novel. Amiira lives in Los Angeles with her husband Greg, their two ridiculously incredible children and too many dogs. She may or may not have been raised by spies.
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Lisa E.

GREAT BOOK FOR GETTING OVER BREAKING UP

Reviewed in the United States on December 21, 2005

Verified Purchase

Before I review this book...I would like to get a major pet peeve off my chest. I read some of the reviews before I started writing this and came across a review where the person had not read the whole book yet wrote a review. I would like to say that a review is where you read the WHOLE BOOK and then criticize it all you like...not read it halfway through and feel that writing a review is credible. It is not. The point of a review is to offer up your point of view which is not possible if you haven't read the whole book.

Now that I have said that...I thought this book was terrific. Whether you dislike Greg using the word Superfox or not...the book was insightful, funny, compassionate and didn't offer the same platitudes or psychobabble that one encounters in other books of this genre.

Greg and Amiira did not write this book from some lofty ivory tower. They have been in the trenches like a lot uf us. Greg drank and chased after his ex until he finally saw the light at the end of a very long tunnel and got into AA.

Amiira was married and while not as destructive as Greg...her pain, misery [and sleepless nights] are nearly as poignant as Greg's.

I have read this book three times and found something new to hold on to each time I read it.

Some of the elements I particularly liked in this book start with the questions to Greg and his answers...sometimes tart ["how about pretending not to be completey crazy" he says to one woman in the throes of...well..acting completely crazy] were always enlightening.

I also enjoyed "The Best Worst News", and "What I Did Wrong" where Greg and Amiira share...what they did wrong.

"Psycho Confessionals" was actually great fun to read because while a lot of us have gone off the deep end when we are going through a break up...not all of us have gone to the extent some of these women have. I have offered up a silent prayer of thanks that while I thought I might go nuts...I never showed up at his door acting like it.

One very smart idea that Greg and Amiira came up with was after giving advice on what you should do in the recovery proces... and while you are in the midst of moaning to yourself that you can't possibly do that...they offer up "How The Hell Am I Supposed To Do That" because they understand exactly how hard it is.

My story ends a little differently because my boyfriend and I actually got back together. But here is where the book is a treasure for another reason. Instead of spending my time when I am not with my boyfriend...obsessing about my boyfriend [something I have done in every past relationship] I am using all the breakup rules they have as if we had really broken up and have re-connected with old friends...started exercising again and am completely re-organizing my life...all off which had fallen completely by the wayside as my concentration was centered around him.

If my boyfriend and I had not gotten back together...I would have been able to handle it without going completely to pieces [after I initially went completely to pieces] and the fact that we have gotten back together...I am now handling the relationship and my life differently...thanks to this book.

In my opinion...this is the definitive book on breaking up and I would like to thank both Greg and Amiira for helping me tremendously both during during the break up and how I have handled myself since.

So to my surprise...this book actually works on more then one level.

111 people found this helpful

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J. R. Marcus

Corny, but very helpful

Reviewed in the United States on May 5, 2012

Verified Purchase

A month ago, my first and only boyfriend broke up with me out of nowhere. It turned my world upside down, and with no friends other than my roommate to turn to (I'd spent so much time on this relationship that I didn't bother making any friends), I bought this book in desperate need of advice. It was so much more helpful than I'd expected of something so light and fluffy.

Sure, having the authors call me "Superfox" on every page gets old after a while, but I understand why that's there: breakups can do a number on your self-esteem, and one of the lessons this book teaches is that you're still amazing, and if he can't see that then he's not the right guy for you.

By Day 4 I was already feeling hopeful about my future without him, and determined to improve myself and come out stronger. I'm glad I read this book to motivate myself not to call him, especially during those weak moments when I kept checking my phone constantly. The book helped me to bow out with grace and dignity, instead of being That Ex that calls constantly, begging for a second chance. I stopped all contact with him the day after he broke up with me, and it's a decision I'm very glad to have made.

Now, my situation is a little bit different from the usual one referred to in the book in that our breakup was not premeditated; it happened in the midst of a deeply emotional moment for him and was entirely impulsive decision. A little over a week later, he tried calling (I'd blocked his number by then), and then sent me a very long email saying that he still loved me, he'd made the biggest mistake of his life, and that deciding to send that email begging for me back was the best thing to happen to him all week. I know that leaving him alone helped him come to this conclusion sooner rather than later -- he couldn't miss me if I was still there.

Currently, we are taking it slow and trying to make this relationship even better than it was. I'm glad it was him that initiated the reconciliation and not me, because now he is doing most of the work trying to win me back and make up for the mistake he made. But even though we ended up back together, I'm glad I read this book because taking that post-breakup time to reflect on my shortcomings and work on improving myself helped me to be a better person for this new relationship.

And hey, if he ever breaks up with me again, I know I'll end up just fine.

12 people found this helpful

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Paula Cardenas

THE BEST BOOK FOR A BREAKUP

Reviewed in Canada on January 10, 2023

Verified Purchase

I really feel that it is the best book for a breakup, they give you advice, activities and they talk about it from their own experiences and those of other people, they express everything you are going through and living and how hard it is to forget someone, but it is very good, recommended. 10/10

Amazon Customer

Loved it…

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 24, 2023

Verified Purchase

I *never* like books like this, or so I thought. I find them corny, and I dislike what I (arrogantly) consider to be a very American lack of sophistication and intelligence. Turns out I was so wrong about this one. The expressive, sassy, “hey girl” prose is what makes it so good. It’s blunt, but it’s also deeply caring. Thank god, I didn’t feel lectured. That’s not what anyone needs when they’re hurting. AND it actually make me laugh out loud — and at times cry. That’s a sign of a good book.

I’ve now been out of a relationship that ended suddenly and confusingly for just under a month. I was totally into the guy and thought everything was going well. (One of those, yep.) When I bought the book, I was admittedly already on my way to healing (at least managing to get out of bed for work, sleep for more than 4 hours a night, talk about things other than my ex, and not cry at absolutely everything). I had also been following the no contact rule, staying healthy, etc, but I wanted a boost. Something to validate my pain whilst giving me direction and encouragement. A tool to keep me on track.

The book is semi-instructive, which is exactly what you need after a breakup. Too much analysis only pulls you into your own thoughts; instruction gets you focused on creating change and taking responsibility.

Each chapter in the first section focuses on different negative post-breakup behaviours — from substance abuse and ex-stalking to focusing too much on the good times — and presents the advice needed to avoid or alleviate these via: an overall summary, “letters” from other women, and accounts from the authors of their own experiences. The mix of formats is good fun.

The second part of the book helps you put all that advice into practice with a kind of action plan.

If you’re really, really grieving and need to just be there right now (I did for those first two and a half weeks), maybe you won’t be ready for this. Buy it anyway for when you are so you can reach for it straight away. And if you’re already healing like I was, go for it. It’s so easy to consume.

Hats of to the authors for getting the tone spot on for their audience.

Enjoy and good luck xx

One person found this helpful

Beatriz

Direct and funny with a male perspective on break ups: Read THIS

Reviewed in Spain on September 7, 2022

Verified Purchase

I recently went through a very tough breakup which - for me - came totally unexpected after many years of relationship. I thought he was my soulmate. He was not.

And this book opens your eyes in ways that no other book does:
Most books about breakups are written by women, who don't really understand men - lets face it.
Then, there are all those horrible "win your ex back" books with questionable manipulation strategies that will only prolong your already unbearable suffering. Forget all that.

For me, it was important to understand the male perspective. So i bought this book.
Yes, it was published in 2006 and might be a bit "old fashioned" sometimes. Someone else mentioned earlier "it's too american" (i don't need to be called "hot superfox" every few pages) but hey, its funny.

Greg is VERY direct (while being funny at the same time) and this is good: because the sooner you accept the reality the sooner you are ready to MOVE ON and not be stuck in the past.

Examples of Greg's eye-opening sentences:
If you think "He was THE ONE". Greg's answer to that is: He wasn't The One because he chose to leave you. The right person will choose you over and over again.

If you are thinking of all reasons why you should still be together. Greg's answer to that is: The person you loved took a long good look at the awesomeness that is you, evaluated your relationship and said 'No thanks. I'll try my luck elsewhere'.

Dear ladies out there, accept the reality, focus on yourself and your wellbeing, move on. This shall pass.

A

Grandes enseñanzas

Reviewed in Mexico on November 7, 2018

Verified Purchase

No duden en comprarlo. Más si acaban de terminar con alguien pero si no aún así trae excelente información. Ayuda a ver las relaciones de una manera realista que te hace pensar muy bien y sobre todo a quererte y valorarte más

One person found this helpful

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Meghna

True to word this is your best buddy if you have just been dumped.

Reviewed in India on July 22, 2017

Verified Purchase

This literally has been my break up buddy in the light of a recent break up. Throughout the book it almost as if Greg and Amiira are literally next to me , talking to me and telling me to do what I naturally should have been doing. To anyone who wants a long term solution , read ths book , trust the words and implement the excercises. It made me feel a million times better and I am sure it will do the same for you.

2 people found this helpful

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